The mating call of a Barn Owl... Terwitterwoo, Terwitterwooo.
The mating cal of a Cuckoo.........Cuckoo, Cuckoo !
The mating call of a Blackbird...." Go on Leroy bang it up my shithole!"
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
A rib tickler
Mr Smith goes to his doctor to get his wifes medical results. Doc says "I am really sorry but we have two Mrs Smiths, one has Alzheimers disease and the other has A.I.D.S. and we have got their results muddled up."Mr Smith enquires,"What should I do doctor?" Doc' replies, "Well I suggest that you take her into town, leave her there and if she finds her way home ,for Gods sake don't fuck her!"
Monday, June 11, 2007
MAN OF DESTINY!
After six months of intensive training, John Paul 2nd was destined to win the world YOYO championships held recently in Prague. J.P.2 can be seen in the adjacent picture doing his "Flip of honour" during which many of his rival competitors brought their yoyo's out in silent tribute.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
No respect!
Our neighbourhood watch group have been giving lectures about watch out for your neighbour etc. Well, my next door neighbour is an 87 year old widow and she hasn't knocked at my door to see how I am for over six months. On top of that, the lazy old bag hasn't taken her milk in for six weeks!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Another joke
A priest sits down on a park bench and suddenly notices a rather dishevelled man staggering along the path towards him. The man is drinking a bottle of Scotch he has a half empty bottle of Gin in his coat pocket, a fag hanging out of his mouth, about three days stubble on his face. He has love bites all over his neck and lipstick stains on his collar.
The man sits down next to the priest and starts to read a newspaper whilst he absolutely honks of alcohol. After a few minutes, the man turns to the priest and enquires, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest angrilly responds, "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS SHALL I? IT'S CAUSED BY ALCOHOL ABUSE, TOBACCO ABUSE, MIXING WITH UNSAVOURY TYPES OF WOMEN AND GENERAL UNCLEANLINESS. THAT'S WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS MY FRIEND!"
The man replies "Oh." and continues to read his paper. After a couple of minutes have elapsed the priest feels guilty about his outburst and realises that being he is Gods representative he should have shown he man some guidance and compassion. The priest turns to the man and holds on to his shoulder gently and says, "I am so sorry my son, I should never have snapped at you the way I did. I should never have been so harsh on you. You just asked me about arthritis, are you a sufferer?"
" Oh no no no, replies the man, I just read in the newspaper that the Pope has it!"
The man sits down next to the priest and starts to read a newspaper whilst he absolutely honks of alcohol. After a few minutes, the man turns to the priest and enquires, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest angrilly responds, "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS SHALL I? IT'S CAUSED BY ALCOHOL ABUSE, TOBACCO ABUSE, MIXING WITH UNSAVOURY TYPES OF WOMEN AND GENERAL UNCLEANLINESS. THAT'S WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS MY FRIEND!"
The man replies "Oh." and continues to read his paper. After a couple of minutes have elapsed the priest feels guilty about his outburst and realises that being he is Gods representative he should have shown he man some guidance and compassion. The priest turns to the man and holds on to his shoulder gently and says, "I am so sorry my son, I should never have snapped at you the way I did. I should never have been so harsh on you. You just asked me about arthritis, are you a sufferer?"
" Oh no no no, replies the man, I just read in the newspaper that the Pope has it!"
Saturday, May 12, 2007
JOAK
A bloke and his missus are in bed and the bloke lets out a fart. "One nil!" yells the bloke. Not to be out done, two minutes later the woman lets one rip. "One all!" she squeals. Realising that he faces competition the bloke blows another ripper. "Two one!" he screams with delight. Seconds later the woman lets go of a blanket raiser. " Two two !" she shouts.
The bloke starts straining for all he is worth to regain the lead. After a couple of minutes he strains so hard that he shits himself. "Err, what was that?" enquires the puzzled woman. Bloke replies, "Half time,now lets change ends!"
The bloke starts straining for all he is worth to regain the lead. After a couple of minutes he strains so hard that he shits himself. "Err, what was that?" enquires the puzzled woman. Bloke replies, "Half time,now lets change ends!"
Monday, April 30, 2007
The good old days
Ahhhh, this takes me back to our cruising days in Ilford High Street in the 1970's !
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
VICTIM OF THE DEADLY "FUEL FAGS!"
Ken Barlow, a distinct victim of the " DEADLY FUEL FAGS!"
Since Tracey has been banged up for murder, Deirdre seems hell bent on causing Ken more problems by inflicting herself with cancer. In every scene she "Sparks up" another King size cancer pole. (Filthy cunt!)
Friday, April 06, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
The Boy is at it again !
Come join us at the "Costa -Del -Pope and enjoy watching the B.B.C. (No not the Brititsh Broadcasting Corporation silly), BIRDS, BOOBS and CRUMPET ! You can swim in the Holy water filled pool and watch J.P.2 Show off to all and sundry! Book up now for an adventure of a lifetime!
joak
WEST HAM UNITED HAVE SACKED MANAGER ALAN CURBISHLEY FOLLOWING A RECENT RUN OF POOR RESULTS. THEY HAVE REPLACED HIM WITH DAVID BLUNKETT WHO IS BLIND AND KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL.....BUT HE CERTAINLY KNOWS HOW TO HOLD ON TO A LEAD !
MOTHER INFERIOR SENSATION
This dirty harlot from Calcutta has revealed that her sex drive is so high that no man has pleased her as yet. (Dirty cow!)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Nursery crime !
Humpty Dumpty sat on a rock,
Little Bo Peep was sucking his cock.
When he came she started to weep,
she knew from the taste he'd been fucking her sheep!
Little Bo Peep was sucking his cock.
When he came she started to weep,
she knew from the taste he'd been fucking her sheep!
Monday, March 05, 2007
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Valentines day.
I bought the wife a new belt and bag for Valentines day......The fucking Hoover works lovely now!
NEWS FLASH !
Scientists have warned that due to "Global warming" more than 6 million Asians could die within the next 5 years. On a more serious note, my fucking Snowman has just melted!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Saturday, December 30, 2006
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