Another joke

A priest sits down on a park bench and suddenly notices a rather dishevelled man staggering along the path towards him. The man is drinking a bottle of Scotch he has a half empty bottle of Gin in his coat pocket, a fag hanging out of his mouth, about three days stubble on his face. He has love bites all over his neck and lipstick stains on his collar.
The man sits down next to the priest and starts to read a newspaper whilst he absolutely honks of alcohol. After a few minutes, the man turns to the priest and enquires, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest angrilly responds, "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS SHALL I? IT'S CAUSED BY ALCOHOL ABUSE, TOBACCO ABUSE, MIXING WITH UNSAVOURY TYPES OF WOMEN AND GENERAL UNCLEANLINESS. THAT'S WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS MY FRIEND!"
The man replies "Oh." and continues to read his paper. After a couple of minutes have elapsed the priest feels guilty about his outburst and realises that being he is Gods representative he should have shown he man some guidance and compassion. The priest turns to the man and holds on to his shoulder gently and says, "I am so sorry my son, I should never have snapped at you the way I did. I should never have been so harsh on you. You just asked me about arthritis, are you a sufferer?"
" Oh no no no, replies the man, I just read in the newspaper that the Pope has it!"

JOAK

A bloke and his missus are in bed and the bloke lets out a fart. "One nil!" yells the bloke. Not to be out done, two minutes later the woman lets one rip. "One all!" she squeals. Realising that he faces competition the bloke blows another ripper. "Two one!" he screams with delight. Seconds later the woman lets go of a blanket raiser. " Two two !" she shouts.
The bloke starts straining for all he is worth to regain the lead. After a couple of minutes he strains so hard that he shits himself. "Err, what was that?" enquires the puzzled woman. Bloke replies, "Half time,now lets change ends!"

Guess who was the guilty party !