Joke 20010 One for the footie fans out there.

A black prostitute who supports Chelsea F.C. has a tattoo of Frank Lampard on her left thigh and one of John Terry on her right thigh. She picks up a client one day and tells him, "If you can name the footballers that I have tattooed on my thighs, I will give you a free shag." The client looks at the left picture and then the right picture and says disdainfully, "Well I don't recognise the ugly bastard on the right and I am miffed as to who the pratt is on the left but the one in the middle with the thick black lips and curly black hair is positively Shaun Wright Phillips!"

What's new?

More queer stories!

Elton John and David Furnish are in bed one night and Elton says,"I am just going to the loo David,don't you dare wank yourself off while I am gone." When Elton returns there is come all over the room. Elton storms, "David, I thought I told you not to masturbate while I was gone!" David replies, "I didn't, I just farted!"

Whoops !

Little Johnny in the bath with his mum, he points to her fanny and says" What's that funny hairy thing mum?" Mum replies, "OOOh it's my sponge darling."
Johnny says, " Of course it is, I 've often seen Dad wiping his face on Aunty Sandra's one!"

Pigs

A front and rear view of the average nurse from any British hosptal.

Call this thing a Prick.

Prick?

Oh crap !

An African man decides to look up his family tree and a Chimpanzee shits on his face !

A joke number 3582

A white girl meets a black bloke in a disco and agrees to go back to his place. They dash off to the bedroom and she slams the door closed and pants, "Come on, prove to me that what they say about black men is true!" So he pulls out a knife and mugs her !

Pisshead and Faggie

Old cunt !

Politics today.

Spot the Pope !

How low can this man sink?

Equestrian news.

This is just one way of "riding a horse" says J.P.2.

Click on picture to read more clearly.

Sheer abuse of position !

Just look at the proof. It has been bred into Popes throughout the ages, from Innocence ixx( with red tea cosy on his head) in the 14th century, to Pius xx ( wrapped in the Pink Persian rug) in the 19th century to dear old J.P.2 (in Sergeant Pepper regalia) in the 20th-21st century. Popes are trained to put two fingers up at the world. Yet they label Liam and Noel Gallagher as yobs for doing the very same thing. THIS IS PAPAL ABUSE OF POSITION. (Rude old cunts!)

The Popes latest tee shirt !

Od yuo graee ?

Errr !

Yes?

Just for a laff !

A sixth grade science teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until Mary stood up and said, "You shouldn't be asking kids of our age questions like that, I am gonna tell me parents who will report you to the head and then you'll be fired!"
Mrs Parks ignores her and asks once again, "C'mon now, which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Mary's mouth gapes wide open and say's to the class, "She is heading for mighty big trouble!"
Teacher ignores her again and addresses the class again, "Anybody gonna give me the correct answer?"
Finally Billy stands up and nervously says, " The body part that increases by 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs Parks responded, "Very good Billy." She then turns to Mary and continues,"As for you young lady, One you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework and three, one day you are going to be a very, very disappointed woman!"

What a bunch of wankers !

Me and the wife were driving back from a short break in North Devon today and encountered a 2 and half hour traffic jam on the M5 around the A38 Taunton turn off. Eventually, there was an electrified sign telling us that the inside and middle lanes were closed and that we must move into the outside lane. As we finally did so in the scorching midday sun we came across three wankers on the back of a lorry with the flashing arrow board who were supposed to be coning off these two inside and middle lanes but instead were finding it a bit of a laugh at the chaos they had caused and were throwing the cones about, one was kicking a ball but justice was done when four bikers rode up on Harley's and yelled, " You brainless cunts don't know what you are doing!" Full marks to the Harley boys from me here.
However, what cunt from the transport agency choses the busiest weekend of the year on one of our busiest roads to carry out fucking road works? That brainless cunt also doesn't know what he's doing, or she as the case maybe.
I have no idea who the Guys were on the bikes but as usual they summed the situation up in one sentence. Well done lads whoever you are and BOLLOCKS TO THE TRANSPORT MINISTRY OR CUNTING AGENCY WHOEVER THEY FUCKING CALL THEMSELVES.

ANORAKS

Can anybody identify the trainspotter?

Feel free to spit on this worthless heap of shit!

WHADDA FUCKING CUNT.

What, again?

It's Max Migraine !

Drunken Git !

J.P.2 "Honks up" on the Papal throne after a 16 hour boozing session in O' Rafferty's bar in Rome. He was later taken to hospital to have his stomach pumped.

PERVERTS 23 !

Joke 2007.

The mating call of a Barn Owl... Terwitterwoo, Terwitterwooo.
The mating cal of a Cuckoo.........Cuckoo, Cuckoo !
The mating call of a Blackbird...." Go on Leroy bang it up my shithole!"

A rib tickler

Mr Smith goes to his doctor to get his wifes medical results. Doc says "I am really sorry but we have two Mrs Smiths, one has Alzheimers disease and the other has A.I.D.S. and we have got their results muddled up."Mr Smith enquires,"What should I do doctor?" Doc' replies, "Well I suggest that you take her into town, leave her there and if she finds her way home ,for Gods sake don't fuck her!"

The Papal beer festival !

And look who's the fucking host for the day!

MAN OF DESTINY!

After six months of intensive training, John Paul 2nd was destined to win the world YOYO championships held recently in Prague. J.P.2 can be seen in the adjacent picture doing his "Flip of honour" during which many of his rival competitors brought their yoyo's out in silent tribute.

The typical vicar sketch

The Bishop!

No respect!

Our neighbourhood watch group have been giving lectures about watch out for your neighbour etc. Well, my next door neighbour is an 87 year old widow and she hasn't knocked at my door to see how I am for over six months. On top of that, the lazy old bag hasn't taken her milk in for six weeks!

Another joke

A priest sits down on a park bench and suddenly notices a rather dishevelled man staggering along the path towards him. The man is drinking a bottle of Scotch he has a half empty bottle of Gin in his coat pocket, a fag hanging out of his mouth, about three days stubble on his face. He has love bites all over his neck and lipstick stains on his collar.
The man sits down next to the priest and starts to read a newspaper whilst he absolutely honks of alcohol. After a few minutes, the man turns to the priest and enquires, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest angrilly responds, "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS SHALL I? IT'S CAUSED BY ALCOHOL ABUSE, TOBACCO ABUSE, MIXING WITH UNSAVOURY TYPES OF WOMEN AND GENERAL UNCLEANLINESS. THAT'S WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS MY FRIEND!"
The man replies "Oh." and continues to read his paper. After a couple of minutes have elapsed the priest feels guilty about his outburst and realises that being he is Gods representative he should have shown he man some guidance and compassion. The priest turns to the man and holds on to his shoulder gently and says, "I am so sorry my son, I should never have snapped at you the way I did. I should never have been so harsh on you. You just asked me about arthritis, are you a sufferer?"
" Oh no no no, replies the man, I just read in the newspaper that the Pope has it!"

JOAK

A bloke and his missus are in bed and the bloke lets out a fart. "One nil!" yells the bloke. Not to be out done, two minutes later the woman lets one rip. "One all!" she squeals. Realising that he faces competition the bloke blows another ripper. "Two one!" he screams with delight. Seconds later the woman lets go of a blanket raiser. " Two two !" she shouts.
The bloke starts straining for all he is worth to regain the lead. After a couple of minutes he strains so hard that he shits himself. "Err, what was that?" enquires the puzzled woman. Bloke replies, "Half time,now lets change ends!"

Guess who was the guilty party !

The good old days

Ahhhh, this takes me back to our cruising days in Ilford High Street in the 1970's !

ELSIE TANNER SMOKES HERSELF TO DEATH !

And Dog breath !

My vice in the church...oh well !

WHADDA FUCKING POOF !

NEED WE SAY MORE?

Laugh of the day!

John Paul shocker !

Q.E.2 REVEALATION !

VICTIM OF THE DEADLY "FUEL FAGS!"

Ken Barlow, a distinct victim of the " DEADLY FUEL FAGS!"

Since Tracey has been banged up for murder, Deirdre seems hell bent on causing Ken more problems by inflicting herself with cancer. In every scene she "Sparks up" another King size cancer pole. (Filthy cunt!)

THE JOE HARVEY BAND! God rest his soul, we loved him!

Frustrated Pervert.

The Blue Royals.

The Boy is at it again !

Come join us at the "Costa -Del -Pope and enjoy watching the B.B.C. (No not the Brititsh Broadcasting Corporation silly), BIRDS, BOOBS and CRUMPET ! You can swim in the Holy water filled pool and watch J.P.2 Show off to all and sundry! Book up now for an adventure of a lifetime!