MUCH as I admire all this stuff in the press about my old mate 'Bendydick' resigning, I feel that I have to put you all straight on one or two points. They just shut me in a broom cupboard in one of the back rooms and fed me bread and Ritz crackers to keep me alive. I could have coped with that but the only thing they gave me to drink was fuckin' Coca Cola. OH HOW I hate that shit! It rotted my gums!
1. I never died, those bastards in the Vatican didn't like my 'alternative views' on child care.
2. They brought in Bendydick, who didn't bother to do ANYTHING to help our church's finances, in fact he curtailed a lot of our income by banning the ice cream salesmen from Vatican Square (from which we had a nice bit of financial cream-off)
3. Bendydick, upon my returning to my chambers I had found had got all my old porn stash and cut all the tits off the really horny birds - he must have been some sort of homo
4. All the records of my dealings with our nice Italian family are now just a heap of fuckin' ashes in the fireplace. What a CUNT! He must have had a friggin' field day burning all that shit, I can only think that it must have been fuckin' cold and he needed to keep warm. Fuck that, I told those bastards years ago to install central heating but WOULD THEY LISTEN TO ME???
5. Found a heap of newspaper cuttings on the floor pertaining to child abuse.
6. Sorting through the heap, found a photo of my favourite bird and it was stiff with an unknown substance. I'll kill that cunt Bendydick!
RIGHT! I tell you that I AM BACK! I AM THE ONE AND ONLY POPE! Ignore all false Gods.......
1. I never died, those bastards in the Vatican didn't like my 'alternative views' on child care.
2. They brought in Bendydick, who didn't bother to do ANYTHING to help our church's finances, in fact he curtailed a lot of our income by banning the ice cream salesmen from Vatican Square (from which we had a nice bit of financial cream-off)
3. Bendydick, upon my returning to my chambers I had found had got all my old porn stash and cut all the tits off the really horny birds - he must have been some sort of homo
4. All the records of my dealings with our nice Italian family are now just a heap of fuckin' ashes in the fireplace. What a CUNT! He must have had a friggin' field day burning all that shit, I can only think that it must have been fuckin' cold and he needed to keep warm. Fuck that, I told those bastards years ago to install central heating but WOULD THEY LISTEN TO ME???
5. Found a heap of newspaper cuttings on the floor pertaining to child abuse.
6. Sorting through the heap, found a photo of my favourite bird and it was stiff with an unknown substance. I'll kill that cunt Bendydick!
RIGHT! I tell you that I AM BACK! I AM THE ONE AND ONLY POPE! Ignore all false Gods.......
2 comments:
Welcome back J.P2
Yeah, and they'd better watch out. I found my 'little black book' with all the names and numbers of various politicians who were taking money out of MY personal bank account and spending it on porno sites!
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