These are factual complaints.

These are some genuine complaints registered at the local council office to us here at truth publications.

1) My bush us really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it!

2)My neighbour has a huge tool which vibrates the entire house and I just cannot take anymore of it.

3)It's my neighbours dog mess which I find hard to swallow.

4)I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off!

5)My father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6)My next door neighbours son contiually bangs his balls against my bush.

7)I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

8) The bog is blocked and we cannot bath the kids until it is cleared.

9) Will you please send a man to check my water as it is a strange colour and not fit to drink.

10) Our toilet has broken in half and is now in three bits!

11) I wish to complain about the farmer down the road, every morning at 6 a.m. his large cock wakes me up and it is getting too much for me to handle!

12) The bloke next door has a huge erection in his back garden which is unsightly and very dangerous.

13) Our kitchen is very damp and we have two kids and want a third, my husband can't do anything about it so can you send a man round who can?

14) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, could you please do something about the bloke on top of me every night?

15) Please send me a man with the right tool to finish the job!

16) I have had the clerk of the works down six times this week but still have no satisfaction.

17) Just to let you know my lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get B.B.C. 2!