Oh Fuck!

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Sir Alex Ferguson? Sir Alex will still be able to play his Giggs this summer!

NEWS FLASH!

Reports that Michael Jackson died of a heart attack are incorrect. Apparently he was found in a childrens ward having a stroke!

Sports News

Jockeys all over the world will today wear black armbands in respect for Michael Jackson who successfully rode more 3 year olds than anybody else in living history!

Tee hee

Apparently Michael Jackson died of an heart attack when he found out "Boys to Men" were a pop band and not a delivery service!

Here they come!

Being that Michael Jacksons body was 90% plastic, his family have decided not to give him a conventional funeral but to melt him down and turn him into "Lego" bricks so that children can still play with him!

Oh No!

A spokesman for Michael Jackson has said that the star had been looking forward to his upcoming dates.......Jeremy aged 5 Tony aged 7 and Peter aged 4.

They Get worse!

News is coming in that Michael Jacksons heart attack was brought on by him tripping on a childs push chair, a spokesman for Jackson commented that he was not prepared to " BLAME IT ON THE BUGGY!"

Oldies but Goldies

In Michael Jackson's will he had requested that his ashes be interred into an "Etch-O-Sketch" so the Kids could continue to play with him!

Uncle Dick and Aunty Mable

fainted at the breakfast table.

Let that be a solemn warning

not to have sex in the morning.

Cousin Frankie home from school

picked up baby by the tool.

Father yelled "Now master Francis, don't spoil baby's fucking chances!"

LIMERICKS

There was a young man from Belgrave,
who found a dead whore in a cave.
He must have found pluck to have a good fuck
but think of the money he saved!

Chas Windsor at work

Chas Windsor undertakes his new career in muff diving on some unsuspecting bird.