Saturday, August 16, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
My first time
It was my first time ever and I'll never forget,
I'd do it again without a single regret.
The sky was dark we were all alone,
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do.
Her skin so soft and her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine.
I didn't know how but I tried my best,
I started by placing my hand on her breast.
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart as slowly she spread her legs wide apart.
And as I did it I felt no shame and all it once the white stuff came.
At last it was finished, it was all over now
My first time I ever
tried milking a cow!
ACCIDENT
A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins today, police said "It was a Turtle tragedy !"
Friday, July 04, 2008
Blow this
Mrs Smith comes home and finds her husband with a hair dryer blowing on his cock. She asks, "What the hell are you doing?" He replies, "Warming up your dinner!"
Monday, April 28, 2008
Boxing news.
The African boxer Mongo Wogchops has successfully returned to the ring having lost both legs in a car accident last year. His pro record now stands at 10 wins without defeet!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A fishy story.....
Paddys wife has a tattoo of a sea shell on top of her thigh. Paddy says, "It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can actually smell the sea!"
The Parrot
A woman looks in a pet shop window and see's a sign saying, "Parrot £200:00, Parrot £100:00, Parrot £15:00." Woman enquires,"Why is that one only £15:00?" Shopkeeper replies, "Oh, he used to live in a brothel and can be crude." Woman finds that funny and buys the £15:00 parrot. She gets him home and he squawks, "Fuck me it's a new brothel!" Woman laughs. Her 2 daughters walk in and the parrot squaks, "Oh fuck me, here's two new prostitutes!" The woman and the girls roar with laughter. The womans husband walks in and the parrot squawks, "Fuck me Keith, I haven't seen you for a couple of weeks!"
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Gordon Brown goes for Ruby!
Gordon Brown seen here leaving the "Dehli Delight" Indian Restaurant recently, it looks like he had a Phall! 
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Paddy bird mania.
Paddy girl believes that her boyfriend is two timing her so she gets a gun and bursts into his flat. She finds him in a passionate embrace with a mystery buxom blonde. She points the gun at her own head. The boyfriend yells "No, darling don't do it!" Paddy girl replies, "You can shut the fuck up because you're next!"
Essex girls
Two Essex girls walking down the street one day and one notices an expensive compact on the footpath. She opens it up and looks in the mirror then sighs, " Hmmm, this person looks familiar!" The second girl says, "Here, let me have a look." So the first girl hands her the compact. The second girl looks at it and shouts, "You stupid bitch, it's me!"
Paddy Joke
What did the Irish girl say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
Monday, April 07, 2008
It's The CANCER COUSINS !
Take a couple of moments staring at this vile picture and you will be in danger of contracting various killer illness's. To prevent this from happening all you have to do is spit at the picture as soon as you see it and you will be safe until your next viewing!Friday, April 04, 2008
FILMS !
See this hilarious new movie which tells the gripping story of Sid James catching cancer, or, did cancer catch Sid? See it at a morgue near you now!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
QUISINE
COME DINE AT THE DOVERCOURT CARAVAN SITE'S EXCLUSIVE EATERIE..."THE FASCIST FISH BAR !" Remember our motto,
S.S. "SECRET SUPPER'S!"
Find us at 2001 Fronks Lane, Dovercourt, Essex.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
They get worse!
(Anne Robinson on The weakest link.) Paddy, can you tell me the name of Noah's wife?
(Paddy replies.) Indeed Oi can Annie, her name was "Joan of Ark!"
A messy joke
Two Rats in a sewer, first one says to the second, "I am fucking sick of it down here, all you get to eat is shit for breakfast, shit for dinner, and shit for tea!"
Second one replies, "Cheer up mate, we'll go on the piss later!"
Saturday, March 08, 2008
These are factual complaints.
These are some genuine complaints registered at the local council office to us here at truth publications.
1) My bush us really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it!
2)My neighbour has a huge tool which vibrates the entire house and I just cannot take anymore of it.
3)It's my neighbours dog mess which I find hard to swallow.
4)I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off!
5)My father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6)My next door neighbours son contiually bangs his balls against my bush.
7)I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
8) The bog is blocked and we cannot bath the kids until it is cleared.
9) Will you please send a man to check my water as it is a strange colour and not fit to drink.
10) Our toilet has broken in half and is now in three bits!
11) I wish to complain about the farmer down the road, every morning at 6 a.m. his large cock wakes me up and it is getting too much for me to handle!
12) The bloke next door has a huge erection in his back garden which is unsightly and very dangerous.
13) Our kitchen is very damp and we have two kids and want a third, my husband can't do anything about it so can you send a man round who can?
14) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, could you please do something about the bloke on top of me every night?
15) Please send me a man with the right tool to finish the job!
16) I have had the clerk of the works down six times this week but still have no satisfaction.
17) Just to let you know my lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get B.B.C. 2!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
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