THE POPE SMOKES DOPE

Oh Fuck!

2009-06-28T15:39:00.002+01:00

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Sir Alex Ferguson? Sir Alex will still be able to play his Giggs this summer!

NEWS FLASH!

2009-06-28T15:37:00.001+01:00

Reports that Michael Jackson died of a heart attack are incorrect. Apparently he was found in a childrens ward having a stroke!

Sports News

2009-06-28T15:34:00.001+01:00

Jockeys all over the world will today wear black armbands in respect for Michael Jackson who successfully rode more 3 year olds than anybody else in living history!

Tee hee

2009-06-28T15:32:00.001+01:00

Apparently Michael Jackson died of an heart attack when he found out "Boys to Men" were a pop band and not a delivery service!

Here they come!

2009-06-28T15:28:00.001+01:00

Being that Michael Jacksons body was 90% plastic, his family have decided not to give him a conventional funeral but to melt him down and turn him into "Lego" bricks so that children can still play with him!

Oh No!

2009-06-28T15:25:00.001+01:00

A spokesman for Michael Jackson has said that the star had been looking forward to his upcoming dates.......Jeremy aged 5 Tony aged 7 and Peter aged 4.

They Get worse!

2009-06-28T15:23:00.002+01:00

News is coming in that Michael Jacksons heart attack was brought on by him tripping on a childs push chair, a spokesman for Jackson commented that he was not prepared to " BLAME IT ON THE BUGGY!"

Oldies but Goldies

2009-06-28T15:20:00.002+01:00

In Michael Jackson's will he had requested that his ashes be interred into an "Etch-O-Sketch" so the Kids could continue to play with him!

2009-06-25T20:58:00.003+01:00

Uncle Dick and Aunty Mable

fainted at the breakfast table.

Let that be a solemn warning

not to have sex in the morning.

Cousin Frankie home from school

picked up baby by the tool.

Father yelled "Now master Francis, don't spoil baby's fucking chances!"

LIMERICKS

2009-06-25T20:56:00.001+01:00

There was a young man from Belgrave,
who found a dead whore in a cave.
He must have found pluck to have a good fuck
but think of the money he saved!

Chas Windsor at work

2009-05-21T19:23:00.001+01:00

Chas Windsor undertakes his new career in muff diving on some unsuspecting bird.

This is what the Fonz thinks of the Pope

2008-08-16T14:52:00.002+01:00

My first time

2008-07-12T13:42:00.003+01:00

It was my first time ever and I'll never forget,
I'd do it again without a single regret.
The sky was dark we were all alone,
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft her eyes were blue I knew just what she wanted to do.
Her skin so soft and her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine.
I didn't know how but I tried my best,
I started by placing my hand on her breast.
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart as slowly she spread her legs wide apart.
And as I did it I felt no shame and all it once the white stuff came.
At last it was finished, it was all over now
My first time I ever
tried milking a cow!

ACCIDENT

2008-07-12T13:21:00.001+01:00

A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins today, police said "It was a Turtle tragedy !"

Blow this

2008-07-04T18:46:00.002+01:00

Mrs Smith comes home and finds her husband with a hair dryer blowing on his cock. She asks, "What the hell are you doing?" He replies, "Warming up your dinner!"

Boxing news.

2008-04-28T20:17:00.001+01:00

The African boxer Mongo Wogchops has successfully returned to the ring having lost both legs in a car accident last year. His pro record now stands at 10 wins without defeet!

A fishy story.....

2008-04-24T20:47:00.002+01:00

Paddys wife has a tattoo of a sea shell on top of her thigh. Paddy says, "It's amazing, if you put your ear to it you can actually smell the sea!"

The Parrot

2008-04-24T20:11:00.006+01:00

A woman looks in a pet shop window and see's a sign saying, "Parrot £200:00, Parrot £100:00, Parrot £15:00." Woman enquires,"Why is that one only £15:00?" Shopkeeper replies, "Oh, he used to live in a brothel and can be crude." Woman finds that funny and buys the £15:00 parrot. She gets him home and he squawks, "Fuck me it's a new brothel!" Woman laughs. Her 2 daughters walk in and the parrot squaks, "Oh fuck me, here's two new prostitutes!" The woman and the girls roar with laughter. The womans husband walks in and the parrot squawks, "Fuck me Keith, I haven't seen you for a couple of weeks!"

Name the owner !

2008-04-19T20:00:00.000+01:00

Gordon Brown goes for Ruby!

2008-04-18T17:50:00.002+01:00

Gordon Brown seen here leaving the "Dehli Delight" Indian Restaurant recently, it looks like he had a Phall!

Dumb and Dumber?

2008-04-18T17:43:00.000+01:00

Words of wisdom from Seamus O' Connor

2008-04-10T20:36:00.002+01:00

Tee shirts that should have been printed.

2008-04-10T20:33:00.001+01:00

Mrs Thatcher at home

2008-04-10T15:48:00.001+01:00

Paddy bird mania.

2008-04-10T15:14:00.002+01:00

Paddy girl believes that her boyfriend is two timing her so she gets a gun and bursts into his flat. She finds him in a passionate embrace with a mystery buxom blonde. She points the gun at her own head. The boyfriend yells "No, darling don't do it!" Paddy girl replies, "You can shut the fuck up because you're next!"

Essex girls

2008-04-10T15:08:00.002+01:00

Two Essex girls walking down the street one day and one notices an expensive compact on the footpath. She opens it up and looks in the mirror then sighs, " Hmmm, this person looks familiar!" The second girl says, "Here, let me have a look." So the first girl hands her the compact. The second girl looks at it and shouts, "You stupid bitch, it's me!"

Paddy Joke

2008-04-10T15:07:00.001+01:00

What did the Irish girl say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

It's The CANCER COUSINS !

2008-04-07T17:23:00.002+01:00

Take a couple of moments staring at this vile picture and you will be in danger of contracting various killer illness's. To prevent this from happening all you have to do is spit at the picture as soon as you see it and you will be safe until your next viewing!

In the beginning there was.....

2008-04-04T17:34:00.001+01:00

A Vile old cunt.

And then there were.......

2008-04-04T17:33:00.000+01:00

Two vile old cunts!

FILMS !

2008-04-04T17:21:00.001+01:00

See this hilarious new movie which tells the gripping story of Sid James catching cancer, or, did cancer catch Sid? See it at a morgue near you now!

QUISINE

2008-03-27T23:44:00.004Z

COME DINE AT THE DOVERCOURT CARAVAN SITE'S EXCLUSIVE EATERIE..."THE FASCIST FISH BAR !" Remember our motto,

S.S. "SECRET SUPPER'S!"

Find us at 2001 Fronks Lane, Dovercourt, Essex.

Old Whore!

2008-03-18T19:04:00.000Z

Note the "double chin!"

A future Pope or Papette?

2008-03-18T18:59:00.000Z

'Orrible little git!

Happy Easter readers

2008-03-18T18:51:00.000Z

They get worse!

2008-03-14T18:37:00.003Z

(Anne Robinson on The weakest link.) Paddy, can you tell me the name of Noah's wife?

(Paddy replies.) Indeed Oi can Annie, her name was "Joan of Ark!"

A messy joke

2008-03-14T18:33:00.002Z

Two Rats in a sewer, first one says to the second, "I am fucking sick of it down here, all you get to eat is shit for breakfast, shit for dinner, and shit for tea!"

Second one replies, "Cheer up mate, we'll go on the piss later!"

These are factual complaints.

2008-03-08T15:14:00.002Z

These are some genuine complaints registered at the local council office to us here at truth publications.

1) My bush us really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it!

2)My neighbour has a huge tool which vibrates the entire house and I just cannot take anymore of it.

3)It's my neighbours dog mess which I find hard to swallow.

4)I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off!

5)My father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6)My next door neighbours son contiually bangs his balls against my bush.

7)I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

8) The bog is blocked and we cannot bath the kids until it is cleared.

9) Will you please send a man to check my water as it is a strange colour and not fit to drink.

10) Our toilet has broken in half and is now in three bits!

11) I wish to complain about the farmer down the road, every morning at 6 a.m. his large cock wakes me up and it is getting too much for me to handle!

12) The bloke next door has a huge erection in his back garden which is unsightly and very dangerous.

13) Our kitchen is very damp and we have two kids and want a third, my husband can't do anything about it so can you send a man round who can?

14) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, could you please do something about the bloke on top of me every night?

15) Please send me a man with the right tool to finish the job!

16) I have had the clerk of the works down six times this week but still have no satisfaction.

17) Just to let you know my lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get B.B.C. 2!

FFFFFFFFFFUCKK

2008-02-23T17:23:00.000Z

A play on words

2008-02-10T12:51:00.000Z

2008-02-08T20:44:00.000Z

2008-02-08T20:43:00.000Z

2008-02-08T20:42:00.002Z

2008-02-08T20:42:00.001Z

2008-02-08T20:40:00.000Z

Very popular down in the big cities

2008-02-05T20:57:00.001Z

Mr. Men for inner cities

2008-02-05T20:50:00.001Z

Oops!

2008-02-05T20:49:00.001Z

Got one of these down YOUR way?

2008-02-05T20:48:00.001Z

Wot?

2008-02-05T20:47:00.001Z

And to continue a good run...

2008-02-05T20:30:00.000Z

Hmmm

2008-02-01T13:27:00.000Z

HE'S FUCKING SNUFFED IT!

2008-01-31T20:43:00.000Z

FUCKING VIOLENT THUGS!

2008-01-31T20:29:00.000Z

What a pair of dirty bastards!

2008-01-31T20:27:00.000Z

2008-01-31T20:26:00.000Z

Who am I mate?

2008-01-31T20:24:00.000Z

Miserable Cunt

2008-01-31T20:23:00.001Z

A cross between Bozzle & Harry?

2008-01-31T20:17:00.000Z

Fucking good reading for the kids at bedtime innit?

2008-01-31T20:14:00.000Z

Perv's

2008-01-31T20:11:00.000Z

It's a very Frank game

2008-01-31T20:09:00.000Z

Spot the Dog !

2008-01-31T20:07:00.000Z

On the game

2008-01-31T20:06:00.000Z

Bad Service.

2008-01-27T13:00:00.000Z

What the fuck is going on with Blogger? I can't up load any fucking pictures lately!

Joke 20010 One for the footie fans out there.

2007-12-29T12:43:00.000Z

A black prostitute who supports Chelsea F.C. has a tattoo of Frank Lampard on her left thigh and one of John Terry on her right thigh. She picks up a client one day and tells him, "If you can name the footballers that I have tattooed on my thighs, I will give you a free shag." The client looks at the left picture and then the right picture and says disdainfully, "Well I don't recognise the ugly bastard on the right and I am miffed as to who the pratt is on the left but the one in the middle with the thick black lips and curly black hair is positively Shaun Wright Phillips!"

What's new?

2007-11-27T19:03:00.000Z

Whoops !

2007-10-18T16:40:00.000+01:00

Little Johnny in the bath with his mum, he points to her fanny and says" What's that funny hairy thing mum?" Mum replies, "OOOh it's my sponge darling."
Johnny says, " Of course it is, I 've often seen Dad wiping his face on Aunty Sandra's one!"

Pigs

2007-10-18T16:38:00.000+01:00

A front and rear view of the average nurse from any British hosptal.

Call this thing a Prick.

2007-10-06T11:09:00.000+01:00

Prick?

Oh crap !

2007-10-06T09:39:00.000+01:00

An African man decides to look up his family tree and a Chimpanzee shits on his face !

A joke number 3582

2007-10-03T18:38:00.000+01:00

A white girl meets a black bloke in a disco and agrees to go back to his place. They dash off to the bedroom and she slams the door closed and pants, "Come on, prove to me that what they say about black men is true!" So he pulls out a knife and mugs her !

Pisshead and Faggie

2007-09-29T18:23:00.000+01:00

2007-09-15T00:38:00.000+01:00

Old cunt !

Politics today.

2007-09-15T00:35:00.001+01:00

Spot the Pope !

2007-09-06T20:03:00.000+01:00

How low can this man sink?

Equestrian news.

2007-09-06T19:57:00.000+01:00

This is just one way of "riding a horse" says J.P.2.

Click on picture to read more clearly.

2007-09-06T19:37:00.000+01:00

Sheer abuse of position !

2007-09-06T19:12:00.001+01:00

Just look at the proof. It has been bred into Popes throughout the ages, from Innocence ixx( with red tea cosy on his head) in the 14th century, to Pius xx ( wrapped in the Pink Persian rug) in the 19th century to dear old J.P.2 (in Sergeant Pepper regalia) in the 20th-21st century. Popes are trained to put two fingers up at the world. Yet they label Liam and Noel Gallagher as yobs for doing the very same thing. THIS IS PAPAL ABUSE OF POSITION. (Rude old cunts!)

The Popes latest tee shirt !

2007-09-04T18:20:00.000+01:00

Od yuo graee ?

2007-09-04T18:17:00.000+01:00

Errr !

2007-09-04T18:16:00.000+01:00

Yes?

2007-09-04T18:15:00.000+01:00

Just for a laff !

2007-09-04T17:42:00.000+01:00

A sixth grade science teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until Mary stood up and said, "You shouldn't be asking kids of our age questions like that, I am gonna tell me parents who will report you to the head and then you'll be fired!"
Mrs Parks ignores her and asks once again, "C'mon now, which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Mary's mouth gapes wide open and say's to the class, "She is heading for mighty big trouble!"
Teacher ignores her again and addresses the class again, "Anybody gonna give me the correct answer?"
Finally Billy stands up and nervously says, " The body part that increases by 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs Parks responded, "Very good Billy." She then turns to Mary and continues,"As for you young lady, One you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework and three, one day you are going to be a very, very disappointed woman!"

What a bunch of wankers !

2007-08-24T20:39:00.000+01:00

Me and the wife were driving back from a short break in North Devon today and encountered a 2 and half hour traffic jam on the M5 around the A38 Taunton turn off. Eventually, there was an electrified sign telling us that the inside and middle lanes were closed and that we must move into the outside lane. As we finally did so in the scorching midday sun we came across three wankers on the back of a lorry with the flashing arrow board who were supposed to be coning off these two inside and middle lanes but instead were finding it a bit of a laugh at the chaos they had caused and were throwing the cones about, one was kicking a ball but justice was done when four bikers rode up on Harley's and yelled, " You brainless cunts don't know what you are doing!" Full marks to the Harley boys from me here.
However, what cunt from the transport agency choses the busiest weekend of the year on one of our busiest roads to carry out fucking road works? That brainless cunt also doesn't know what he's doing, or she as the case maybe.
I have no idea who the Guys were on the bikes but as usual they summed the situation up in one sentence. Well done lads whoever you are and BOLLOCKS TO THE TRANSPORT MINISTRY OR CUNTING AGENCY WHOEVER THEY FUCKING CALL THEMSELVES.

2007-08-18T14:00:00.001+01:00

ANORAKS

2007-08-18T10:04:00.000+01:00

Can anybody identify the trainspotter?

Feel free to spit on this worthless heap of shit!

2007-08-18T09:58:00.000+01:00

WHADDA FUCKING CUNT.

What, again?

2007-08-17T19:05:00.000+01:00

It's Max Migraine !

2007-08-17T18:59:00.000+01:00

Drunken Git !

2007-08-17T18:51:00.000+01:00

J.P.2 "Honks up" on the Papal throne after a 16 hour boozing session in O' Rafferty's bar in Rome. He was later taken to hospital to have his stomach pumped.

PERVERTS 23 !

2007-08-17T18:39:00.000+01:00

Joke 2007.

2007-06-29T00:55:00.000+01:00

The mating call of a Barn Owl... Terwitterwoo, Terwitterwooo.
The mating cal of a Cuckoo.........Cuckoo, Cuckoo !
The mating call of a Blackbird...." Go on Leroy bang it up my shithole!"

A rib tickler

2007-06-22T21:01:00.000+01:00

Mr Smith goes to his doctor to get his wifes medical results. Doc says "I am really sorry but we have two Mrs Smiths, one has Alzheimers disease and the other has A.I.D.S. and we have got their results muddled up."Mr Smith enquires,"What should I do doctor?" Doc' replies, "Well I suggest that you take her into town, leave her there and if she finds her way home ,for Gods sake don't fuck her!"

The Papal beer festival !

2007-06-11T18:17:00.000+01:00

And look who's the fucking host for the day!

MAN OF DESTINY!

2007-06-11T18:07:00.000+01:00

After six months of intensive training, John Paul 2nd was destined to win the world YOYO championships held recently in Prague. J.P.2 can be seen in the adjacent picture doing his "Flip of honour" during which many of his rival competitors brought their yoyo's out in silent tribute.

The typical vicar sketch

2007-06-10T23:07:00.000+01:00

The Bishop!

2007-06-10T23:04:00.000+01:00

No respect!

2007-06-09T13:38:00.000+01:00

Our neighbourhood watch group have been giving lectures about watch out for your neighbour etc. Well, my next door neighbour is an 87 year old widow and she hasn't knocked at my door to see how I am for over six months. On top of that, the lazy old bag hasn't taken her milk in for six weeks!